Jeremy Tomlinson  M.Ed., R.M.F.T., R.S.W., EMDRIA Certified

Individual, Couple and Family Therapy, Sex Therapy, EMDR

Recommended Reading

Trauma

Playing With Fire: The Highest Highs And Lowest Lows Of Theo Fleury

by Theo Fleury (2009) (paperback)

Theo Fleury, at 5'6" made a name for himself in a game played by giants. A star in junior hockey, he became an integral part of the Calgary Flames' Stanley Cup win in 1989. Fleury's talent was such that despite a growing drug habit and erratic, inexplicable behaviour on and off the ice, Wayne Gretzky believed in him. He became a key member of the gold medal-winning men's hockey team at the 2002 Olympics.

The Colorado Avalanche picked up Fleury for the playoffs, and when he signed with the New York Rangers, he was a kid in a candy store. After one season of his next multi-million-dollar deal, this time with the Chicago Blackhawks, Fleury suddenly called it quits and wouldn't explain why.

In Playing with Fire, Theo Fleury takes us behind the bench during his glorious days as an NHL player and talks about growing up devastatingly poor and in chaos at home. Dark personal issues haunted him, with drinking, drugs, gambling and girls ultimately derailing his Hall of Fame-calibre career.

Read a review and analysis of this book by Jeremy Tomlinson:

 

Moving On After Trauma: A Guide for Survivors, Family and Friends

by Michael J. Scott (2007) (paperback)

The effects of extreme trauma can continue to be emotionally devastating. Moving On After Trauma offers hope, providing survivors, family members and friends with a roadmap for managing emotional, relationship, physical and legal obstacles to recovery. Dr Scott details examples of the strategies used by twenty characters who have recovered and the survivor (with or without the help of a family member, friend or counsellor) is encouraged to identify with one or more of them and follow in their footsteps.

"Michael Scott has produced an excellent book that should be of immense value to sufferers of PTSD and their relatives. I particularly like its clear link with theory and evidence and it is replete with useful case examples. Scott's extensive clinical experience in dealing with these problems is evident in his thorough and sensitive handling of the topic. Packed full of strategies and tips for dealing effectively with trauma symptoms and associated problems this book should be at the top of a sufferers self-help list." – Adrian Wells, University of Manchester, UK

The Courage To Heal 4e: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse 20th Anniversary Edition

by Laura Davis (20th Anniversary Edition)

Based on the experiences of hundreds of survivors, "The Courage to Heal" profiles victims who share the challenges and triumphs of their personal healing processes. Inspiring and comprehensive, it offers mental, emotional and physical support to all people who are in the process of rebuilding their lives.

"The Courage to Heal" offers hope, encouragement and practical advice to every woman who was sexually abused as a child and answers some vital questions, including: How do I know if I was sexually abused? Where does the decision to heal start? How can I break the silence and who will listen? How can I re-build my self-esteem, intimacy and capacity to love? What therapy, support groups, self-help programmes or organisations are available?

Victims No Longer (second Edition)

by Mike Lew (2004)

For millions of men on the path to recovery, Victims No Longer is the next step. The first book written specifically for men, Victims No Longer examines the changing cultural attitudes toward male survivors of incest and other sexual trauma. Now, in this Second Edition, this invaluable resource continues to offer compassionate and practical advice, supported by personal anecdotes and statements of male survivors. Thoroughly updated and revised, and including an expanded Resources section, Victims No Longer educates survivors and professionals about the recovery process -- speaking to the pain, needs, fears, and hopes of the adult male survivor.

Sexual Healing Journey: A Guide for Survivors of Sexual Abuse (Third Edition)

by Wendy Maltz (2012) 3rd Edition

Maltz, author of Incest and Sexuality (Lexington: Macmillan, 1986) offers this how-to, personal therapy book written in the form of an informative if somewhat repetitive case study. She gives concrete details on what constitutes abuse and shatters the myths surrounding double standards (e.g., actor Don Johnson being seduced by a female babysitter when he was 12 constitutes abuse, yet this "older woman on younger boy" style of abuse is sometimes written off).

In addition to identifying the many types of abuse, Maltz demonstrates how abuse may get buried in a victim's unconscious mind and subsequently cause sexual dysfunction. She carefully deconstructs the common negative sexuality that often acts as a defense mechanism, and attempts to replace it with a healthy, positive approach to sex. Although her book is not a substitute for therapy, it can help victims of sexual abuse along the road to healing. Recommended for most libraries. - Michael Tierno, "Medical Aspects of Human Sexuality"

Sexual Addiction

Don't Call It Love: Recovery From Sexual Addiction

by Patrick Carnes (1992)

Every day they face the possibility of destruction, risking their families, fiances, jobs, dignity, and health. They come from all walks of life: ministers, physicians, therapists, politicians, executives, blue-collar workers. Most were abused as children--sexually, physically or emotionally--and saw addictive behavior in their early lives. Most grapple with other addictions as well, but their fiercest battle is with the most astounding prevalent "secret" disorder in America: sexual addiction.

Here is a ground-breaking work by the nation's leading professional expert on sexual addiction, based on the candid testimony of more than one thousand recovering sexual addicts in the first major scientific study of the disorder. This essential volume includes not only the revealing findings of Dr. Carne's research with recovering addicts but also advice from the addicts and co-addicts themselves as they work to overcome their compulsive behavior.

Positive, hopeful, and practical, Don't Call It Love is a landmark book that helps us better understand all addictions, their causes, and the difficult path to recovery.

Stress Management, Depression & Anxiety

Tapping in: A Step-By-Step Guide to Activating Your Healing Resources Through Bilateral Stimulation

by Laurel Parnell (2008)

Never has it been so effortless to activate your inner power and resilience than with the remarkable technique known as ''resource tapping.'' Tapping In makes available for the first time a self-guided program for learning this revolutionary EMDR-related method. With step-by-step instruction in bilateral stimulation (a core component of EMDR, or Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), Tapping In teaches you a clinically recognized system for tapping both sides of the body to overcome trauma, boost confidence, calm the body on a deep, physiological level, and to respond better to stress. Join world-renowned EMDR expert Dr. Laurel Parnell as she shares a series of easy-to-learn exercises to access your ''latent positive resources'' - your neurological foundation for internal resilience and stability.

I Don't Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression

by Terrence Real (1998)

Hidden male depression is the focus of this clear, compelling book by a Massachusetts family psychotherapist who specializes in working with dysfunctional men. Because our culture socializes boys to mask feelings of vulnerability, he says, they bury deep within themselves damaging childhood trauma and its ensuing depressive effects when they become men. This strongly reasoned study starts out with an illustration of the "toxic legacy" that is passed, often for generations, from father to son, with each chapter adding another piece to the complex face. The lucid exposition of ideas is made more vivid through dramatizing. Real uses "composite" cases, so no actual person is depicted except the author himself. One of the most arresting aspects of the book is the autobiographical thread that he weaves throughout. Real's central concern is what he calls covert depression, a pain-filled, inchoate state that may or may not eventually erupt into overt depression. The book is wise beyond its stated scope: in setting up a model for the nature, etiology and treatment of male depression, Real ends up offering-with some gender variants-an almost universal paradigm. BOMC, QPB and One Spirit alternates.

Queer Blues: The Lesbian and Gay Guide to Overcoming Depression

by K. Hardin, M. Hall (2001)

Fighting the black dog of depression is an uphill battle. Imagine fighting discrimination and the fear of hate crimes, too. Queer Blues is the only guide that offers ego-boosting strategies specifically aimed at people in the gay and lesbian communities. A practical self-test allows readers to gauge their level of depression. Other sections look at what triggers self-sabotage. The authors have combined sales of over 75,000 copies for their previous books.

I Want to Change My Life: How to Overcome Anxiety, Depression and Addiction

by Steven M. Melemis (2014)

Discover a five-point plan for overcoming anxiety, depression, and addiction. Learn the symptoms, causes, treatment, and relapse prevention strategies. Learn new coping skills including a new approach to stress management and cognitive therapy and how they can help you. The book includes numerous exercises and a one-month step-by-step program to get you started. Dr. Melemis is a leading expert in addiction and mood disorders who has helped thousands of people improve their lives. For more information refer to IWantToChangeMyLife.org.

Mind Over Mood: Change How You Feel by Changing the Way You Think

by Dennis Greenberger, Christine A. Padesky PhD (1995)

"Only rarely does a book come along that can truly change your life. Mind Over Mood is such a book....Mind Over Mood will prove to be a significant milestone in the evolution of cognitive therapy. Never before have the nuts and bolts of cognitive therapy been spelled out so explicitly in a step-by-step fashion for the lay public....This is a rare and special book that can easily be used for self-help or as an adjunct to therapy."--from the Foreword by Aaron T. Beck, MD, University Professor Emeritus of Psychiatry, University of Pennsylvania Medical School

Feeling Good Handbook

by David Burns (1999)

Revised with up-to-date information on the most commonly prescribed psychiatric drugs, "The Feeling Good Handbook" has sold more than 500,000 copies in previous editions.

This therapy of Dr Burns is based on the premise that people create their own moods, and thus can learn to change the way they look and feel. He shows how to apply techniques and provides strategies for overcoming fears, phobias and panic attacks.

He deals with hypochondria and various forms of social anxiety; improving intimate interpersonal communication; overcoming procrastination; coping with performance anxiety in public speaking, test-taking, and other activities.

Changing My Mind

by Margaret Trudeau (2010)

Away from the cameras and the public appearances, and increasingly isolated at 24 Sussex Drive, Margaret struggled with a growing depression offset by bouts of mania. Her behaviour seemed inexplicable to many -- including to herself -- and two years after the birth of their third son, Michel, the marriage broke down. Gradually, though, a fragile stability took hold, as Margaret found happiness in work as a photographer and in her marriage to Fried Kemper. But the tragic death of Michel Trudeau, closely followed by Pierre Trudeau's own passing, caused her to spiral into suicidal depression. Finally accepting the diagnosis of bipolar, she sought medical treatment.

Under intense international scrutiny, Margaret Trudeau has survived remarkable highs and devastating lows. Since regaining control of her life, she has brought her formidable passion to helping others, be they Canadians suffering from mental illness or families living without access to water half a world away.

Health Issues

Eating Mindfully: How to End Mindless Eating and Enjoy a Balanced Relationship with Food

Susan Albers, Psy.D., 2012, 2nd Edition.

Steeped in Buddhist practices, the exercises provided in this breakthrough book will develop acceptance and awareness of eating behaviours. Readers learn of the four foundations of mindful eating-mindfulness of the mind, body, feelings and thoughts. Step-by-step instructions and meditation exercises enhance the awareness of destructive eating habits. By practising these brief, simple exercises, readers learn to become nonjudgmental about their relationship to food, weight and health.

Susan Albers, PsyD, is a counselling psychologist at Ohio Wesleyan University.

Interpersonal

Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find - and Keep - Love

by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller

We rely on science to tell us everything from what to eat to when and how long to exercise, but what about relationships? Is there a scientific explanation for why some people seem to navigate relationships effortlessly, while others struggle? According to psychiatrist and neuroscientist Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel Heller, the answer is a resounding "yes."

In Attached, Levine and Heller reveal how an understanding of adult attachment-the most advanced relationship science in existence today-can help us find and sustain love.

The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts

by Gary D. Chapman

Falling in love is easy. Staying in love-that's the challenge! How can you keep your relationship fresh and growing amid the demands and conflicts and just plain boredom of everyday life?

In the #1 New York Times bestselling book The 5 Love Languages, you'll discover the secret that has transformed millions of relationships worldwide. Whether your relationship is flourishing or failing, Dr. Gary Chapman's proven approach to showing and receiving love will help you experience deeper and richer levels of intimacy with your partner-starting today.

"If we learn to meet each other's deep emotional need to feel loved, and choose to do it, the love we share will be exciting beyond anything we've ever felt."-Gary Chapman

Me to We: Finding Meaning in a Material World

Craig Kielburger and Mark Kielburger

Imagine waking up every morning believing that your actions can make a significant change in the world.

For everyone who has ever yearned for a better life and a better world, Craig and Marc Kielburger share a blueprint for personal and social change that has the power to transform lives one act at a time. Through inspirational contributions from people from all walks of life and moving stories drawn from more than a decade of their experience as international change-makers, the Kielburgers reveal that a more fulfilling path is ours for the taking when we find the courage to reach out.

Me to We is an approach to life that leads us to recognize what is truly valuable, make new decisions about the way we want to live, and redefine the goals we set for ourselves and the legacy we want to leave. Above all, it creates new ways of measuring meaning, happiness, and success in our lives, and makes these elusive goals attainable at last.

Emotional Intelligence: 10th Anniversary Edition; Why It Can Matter More Than IQ

by Daniel Goleman (2005)

New York Times science writer Goleman argues that our emotions play a much greater role in thought, decision making and individual success than is commonly acknowledged. He defines "emotional intelligence" a trait not measured by IQ tests as a set of skills, including control of one's impulses, self-motivation, empathy and social competence in interpersonal relationships.

Although his highly accessible survey of research into cognitive and emotional development may not convince readers that this grab bag of faculties comprise a clearly recognizable, well-defined aptitude, his report is nevertheless an intriguing and practical guide to emotional mastery. In marriage, emotional intelligence means listening well and being able to calm down. In the workplace, it manifests when bosses give subordinates constructive feedback regarding their performance. Goleman also looks at pilot programs in schools from New York City to Oakland, Calif., where kids are taught conflict resolution, impulse control and social skills.

Better Boundaries

by Jan Black (Author), Greg Enns (1998)

Boundary issues contribute to a range of contemporary social problems felt by victims, abusers, overachievers, and underachievers alike. Knowing when boundaries are violated and what to do about it isn't a simple skill. It requires a surprising amount of adjustments.

 

Read an article by Jeremy Tomlinson inspired by this book

After The Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful

by Janis Spring (2nd edition)

For the 70 percent of couples who have been affected by extramarital affairs, this is the only book to offer proven strategies for surviving the crisis and rebuilding the relationship –– written by a nationally known therapist considered an expert on infidelity.

There is nothing quite like the pain and shock caused when a partner has been unfaithful. The hurt partner often experiences a profound loss of self–respect and falls into a depression that can last for years. For the relationship, infidelity is often a death blow.

After the Affair is the first book to help readers survive this crisis. Written by a clinical psychologist who has been treating distressed couples for 22 years, it guides both hurt and unfaithful partners through the three stages of healing: Normalizing feelings, deciding whether to recommit and revitalizing the relationship. It provides proven, practical advice to help the couple change their behavior toward each other, cultivate trust and forgiveness and build a healthier, more conscious intimate partnership.

Sexuality

Polyamory: The New Love Without Limits : Secrets of Sustainable Intimate Relationships

by Deborah Anapol (1997)

Designed to help people who are considering developing a polyamorous lifestyle, this book by Deborah M. Anapol explores a range of issues people can consider in their decision-making. Anapol is trained in Clinical Psychology, helping couples since 1983. Amongst other things, she writes about ethics, jealousy, the nature of family and when or whether to tell others. Her approach is thoughtful and well-researched.

Read a review and analysis of this book by Jeremy Tomlinson

The Illustrated Guide to Extended Massive Orgasm

by Steve Bodansky, Vera Bodansky (2002)

In this companion volume to their best-selling book, Extended Massive Orgasm, Steve and Vera Bodansky give much more detail about the best hand and body positions for performing and receiving EMO.

With more than 70 photographs and drawings illustrating both the anatomy of the genitals and the optimum positions for manually stimulating your partner, couples are able to understand and master techniques for achieving prolonged orgasm.

Multi-Orgasmic Man

by Mantak Chia (1997)

Master of Taoist sexuality Mantak Chia and writer Douglas Abrams Arava demystify Sexual Kung Fu, a Chinese tradition developed over thousands of years whereby men realize their immense sexual potential by following specific physical and psychological techniques to experience multiple and whole body orgasms, to more deeply satisfy and pleasure their partners, and to cultivate their sexual strength for improved health and creativity.

The Ultimate Guide to Fellatio

by Violet Blue (2010)

This updated edition includes an introduction by Mary Roach, author of Bonk, and a new resource guide of relevant books, DVDs, and websites. With short erotic stories by Alison Tyler.

Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus

by Violet Blue (2010)

The Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus gives excellent advice, encouragement, and helpful instruction for those who want to expand their expertise or are simply curious about the finer points of cunnilingus.

Anal Pleasure and Health: A Guide for Men, Women and Couples

by Jack Morin (2010)

Ethical Slut

by Dossie Easton, Janet W. Hardy (2009)

The essential guide for singles and couples who want to explore polyamory in ways that are ethically and emotionally sustainable. For anyone who has ever dreamed of love, sex, and companionship beyond the limits of traditional monogamy, this groundbreaking guide navigates the infinite possibilities that open relationships can offer.

Experienced ethical sluts Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy dispel myths and cover all the skills necessary to maintain a successful and responsible polyamorous lifestyle--from self-reflection and honest communication to practicing safe sex and raising a family. Individuals and their partners will learn how to discuss and honor boundaries, resolve conflicts, and to define relationships on their own terms. "I couldn't stop reading it, and I for one identify as an ethical slut.

This is a book for anyone interested in creating more pleasure in their lives . . . a complete guide to improving any style of relating, from going steady to having an extended family of sexual friends." --Betty Dodson, PhD, author of Sex for One

LGBT - Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender

The Joy Of Gay Sex: Fully revised and expanded third edition

by Charles Silverstein

For a new century and a new generation of readers comes a fully revised and expanded edition of a classic guide to gay sex, love, and life. Invaluable as a sex guide, a resource on building self-esteem, and a trusted aid for coming out of the closet, The Joy of Gay Sex covers the ins and outs of gay life alphabetically from "anus" to "wrestling."

Noted psychologist Dr. Charles Silverstein has collaborated once again with critically acclaimed novelist Felice Picano on this third edition, updating every single entry and adding nearly thirty new entries. The authors provide positive and responsible advice on safe sex in all its varieties; on emotional and relationship-oriented issues such as long-term couples, loneliness, and growing older; and on scores of diverse topics ranging from spirituality to online dating.

With fifty new line drawings by acclaimed illustrator Joseph Phillips, this landmark reference is a necessary addition to every gay man's bookshelf.

The Whole Lesbian Sex Book: A Passionate Guide for All Of Us

by Felice Newman (2004)

The Whole Lesbian Sex Book was the first-ever sex guide to offer information and encouragement for all women who desire women — lesbian, bisexual, butch, femme, androgynous, and transgender. First published in 1999, it has been lauded for its thoroughness, enthusiastic tone, and creative, nonjudgmental approach to lesbian sex in all its rich variety. Now, five years later, sex educator Felice Newman has completely updated this classic guide. There is new information throughout, up-to-date research, fresh quotes from women who share their personal experiences, a greatly expanded resource guide, new illustrations, and an entire new chapter on sex and partnership.

True Selves: Understanding Transsexualism--For Families, Friends, Coworkers, and Helping Professionals

by Mildred L. Brown and Chloe Ann Rounsley (2003)

Brown and Rounsley's solidly based introduction to many aspects of living as a transsexual provides general information about the dilemma of feeling trapped in the wrong physical gender, about such a person's development, and about locating a gender therapist.

Brown and Rounsley also detail the process of transition between genders, starting with legal and identity changes and proceeding to changing outward modes of self-presentation (they include sample "coming-out" letters to employers, coworkers, friends, and family members) and dealing with bathroom issues, hormone treatments, surgical options, and guidelines for finding social support. First-person accounts from transsexuals augment general readability and put human faces on the issues discussed. Whitney Scott

Transition

by Chaz Bono (2011)

At first, America knew the only child of Sonny and Cher as Chastity, the cherubic little girl who appeared on her parents' TV show. In later years, she became famous for coming out on a national stage, working with two major organizations toward LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender) rights and publishing two books. And just within the past eighteen months, Chaz Bono has entered the public consciousness as the most high-profile transgender person ever.

All through the hoopla surrounding his change, Chaz has insisted on maintaining his privacy. Now, in Transition, Chaz finally tells his story. Part One traces his decision to transition, beginning in his childhood-when he played on the boys' teams and wore boys' clothing whenever possible-and going through his painful, but ultimately joyful, coming out in his twenties, up to 2008, when, after the death of his father, drug addiction, and five years of sobriety, Chaz was finally ready to begin the process of changing his gender. In Part Two, he offers an unprecedented record in words and photographs of the actual transition, a real-time diary as he navigates uncharted waters. These chapters capture the day-to-day momentum of his life as his body changes.